Years ago I read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I am so happy I read that book. Since reading that book and continuing on to study the book, I have found that it has changed my life tremendously.
Every family has its issues and struggles. My family struggled with communicating with one another, especially when a potential conflict would arise. I mean, overall, our communication was pretty nonexistent. I don’t really know why?
I remember as a kid my sister had made several attempts to talk for me because at times I struggled to find a word to explain what I wanted to say. I disagree that I had any issues with learning. I believe it had more to do with the lack of reading and lack of being read to, plus the whole lack of talking to one another. I don’t know when or who it started with and it really doesn’t matter.
I just know that when I read the book, I learned so much about people and how they communicate love. I had so much more of an understanding of what each member of my family needed from me, to feel loved. I learned that each person communicates love in a different way.
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages. Physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and gift giving. Knowing and understanding this is huge. It is paramount.
You see, when two people start dating and have all those warm fuzzy feelings, they are firing off all five love languages. They are holding hands, kissing and hugging one another, they are spending as much time together as possible and spend loads of time talking to one another, learning about each other, so the conversation is intent with each person engaged and interested. They complement one another often and do things for each other, and often buy or make gifts for each other. This is also known as the honeymoon period. We all know this, we’ve all been there at some point.
So time goes on, the couple gets more serious in their relationship, maybe even get married. The honeymoon period starts to fade, and each person returns to what is referred to as the primary love language. If the couple communicates love primarily the same way, there is no problem. But if they communicate love different from one another, then their ability to communicate with one another is no different than speaking english while the other speaks Chinese.
I remember talking to friend some time ago and she was complaining to me that her in-laws never spent any time with her children, that she would just buy them gifts and call it a day. This was very frustrating to my friend, because, for her, spending time with the kids and enjoying creating memories, having experiences was what would light her up. After explaining to my friend that maybe her in-laws primarily communicate love by giving gifts, while my friends primary means of communicating love is through quality time creating experiences. My friend felt such a sense of relief. To her, she felt that maybe her in-laws didn’t like her. However, now she could see that gift giving is just their way of saying “I love you.”
I get it, it seems like there is still a dilemma. If they are communicating love in different ways, then how is anyone going to feel loved. Well, The great thing is, once you know what you need and what is important to you, you have the choice and ability to ask for it. Knowing and understanding how your children need to be loved is paramount.
There is a quiz to take that can be found online to determine your own love language and maybe it could be fun to guess your partner's love language as well as other people who are in your family. I know it has changed my life. I have closer and healthier communicating with my family and I encourage you to read the book and take the quiz. “Love and belonging is an irreducible need of men, women and children.” (Brené Brown.) So having this information can help bring a little more love into your life.
You can find the quiz at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
II’m Coach Jackie Thomas.
I also happen to be a Nurse in the Healthcare field. I’ve been a PSW as well.
I’m a wife and mom who loves her family. But, sometimes, after a “bad day” or dealing with some intense trauma, I was triggered and brought it home to my kids and spouse. It wasn’t working.
At the height of my burnout, I went looking for solutions. Anything to make me feel better again. To love my career again. To reignite my passion again.
I found evolved NLP. The combination of science meets spiritual resonated with me. The work is founded in practices of forgiveness and healing on a cellular level for lasting true change.
To rebound, rebuild, and repair from days of trauma, disease, and stress.
To reclaim our passion to serve.
To love our career and our lives - at the same time.
These tools gave me my life back.
They can do the same for you.